


Back to the Beginning

by Helloiamsilver



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-03
Updated: 2011-04-03
Packaged: 2017-10-17 13:06:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/177143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helloiamsilver/pseuds/Helloiamsilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris reflects back upon Kradam</p>
            </blockquote>





	Back to the Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so I have a little bit of a confession. I almost always can’t stand reading Kradam’s that aren’t AU’s or crazy crack!fic. I’m not insulting non AU Kradam’s, they’re just not my style. Therefore, I figured the best solution to this would be to write one myself :) . So, I hope you enjoy my little fic exploring what Kradam truly means. :D. It’s a little sad and I’m sorry if it rambles.

Kris was lounging on his bed when he heard the familiar little beep of his phone saying he had an email. He picked up the phone to see it was from Adam. He was a little surprised since they hadn’t talked in a while. They were still good friends, both had just gotten busy in their own lives and careers after Idol. They just didn’t have the time. However, Kris knew they couldn’t forget the kind of friendship they had created then. The email was a testament to that as the message just said “Hey, remember this? :)” with a link to a Youtube video. Kris smiled at it and opened up the video. It was a montage of all of the “Kradam” moments and interviews. Kris smile grew wider into a grin as he thought back to Kradam, that silly little thing that had formed. They both embraced the joke, but knew how underneath it came the truth that was their friendship.  
It never mattered once to Kris that Adam was gay. He knew that other people would’ve been uncomfortable with it, especially after Adam had admitted that he had a crush on him. But to Kris, it simply didn’t matter. The sky was blue. The grass was green. Adam was gay. No big deal. But as he watched the more of the video clips, he couldn’t help wondering if it had maybe been a big deal for Adam. Kris watched as the Adam in the interview praised Kris’s abilities, his heart, and his relationship with his wife, calling it “inspiring”. And he saw himself talk about how there was no competition between them and how he hoped they could show how two incredibly different people could be friends. He started to slip into flashback as his own memories mixed with what was happening on the screen.  
Kris loved hugging Adam. It was funny to watch from the outside as he was swallowed and smushed into Adam, but while doing it, he felt nice. Just nice. He always felt nice around Adam. He both watched and remembered attacking Adam with a hug from behind during one interview and Adam pulling him around to hug him properly, whispering in each other’s ears. He couldn’t even remember what they’d said, but it was apparently funny as he cracked up. He could clearly see how it looked. Their affection had to look like a couple to the outside world, but Kris never had an issue with it. He knew what they were. Just close friends. But now, as he watched it all over again, he wondered if Adam had felt the same. Just close friends. Or if maybe to him, it had been something else…Kris didn’t want to pursue that thought. It would mean complicating things that had always been simple.  
Kris was straight. He absolutely knew that. But Adam wasn’t. And as Kris watched the videos, he could sense an undercurrent of something. Adam’s gaze would linger as Kris walked away. His eyes would lower and his smile would fall sometimes when Kris wasn’t looking. And as they talked together in interviews, Kris would always comfort Adam whenever the subject turned awkward.  
He had never really thought about that before. Himself making Adam more comfortable. Adam was always so articulate and well-spoken in interviews that it seemed ridiculous that he would ever need any help. And the only time he would need it would be when the subject turned to…Kris. More importantly Adam’s crush on Kris. That was the one and only subject that had ever made Adam falter. Thankfully Kris had always been there to smooth it over with a well-placed joke about Adam’s hair or Kris “crush” on Adam. He had never noticed before that he was the only thing to make Adam uncomfortable. And the only reason Adam would ever be uncomfortable is if he was afraid. Afraid maybe of being vulnerable…or hurt.  
Kris would never intentionally hurt Adam. The man was such a nice and loving person that he couldn’t imagine anyone on the planet intentionally hurting him. Yet, it seemed like that’s what Adam was expecting. Kris watched as the final clip came of Adam closing his eyes and pressing a little kiss into the top of Kris’s head after the finale, in the middle of a group hug with Paula. Kris remembered thinking he felt a slight pressure on his head at the time, but hadn’t noticed. He had seen the clip before, but had never really paid attention to that little kiss. It was just Adam being affectionate. Kris winced as he thought back to all those hugs and teasing comments…that little kiss. Had that all been hurting Adam?  
Kris had never thought anything of it. Adam had a crush on him, he knew that. But it was just a little crush, a bromance thing. But what if it wasn’t to Adam? Kris had tried so hard not to think too much about any of this. He didn’t want to make assumptions, but he couldn’t ignore evidence either. He remembered Adam’s eyes more than anything. His clear blue-grey eyes that would crinkle in laughter or smolder in intensity while singing or sometimes look away, almost sadly when talking to Kris…  
Kris knew that he had to let go of his obliviousness and acknowledge the truth.  
Kradam had been more real than he’d ever admit.  
And he was the only one who hadn’t noticed.  
After the video ended, Kris went to his contacts and highlighted Adam’s name. He didn’t press call though; he just stared at his phone. He stared at it for a long time.


End file.
